Life in general/Thought for the day/Uncategorized

New Year, but I don’t think it’s out with the old

Posted on by X

So, this is it…another year closing, you can count the hours left in 2023. This next year is full of hopes, dreams, possibilities….New Year’s resolutions, weight loss goals, and financial intentions.

Many of the years past I’ve made resolutions with little to no belief that I would hold to them. I really felt that they were basically pointless and not worth the effort. However now that I’m a couple of trips around the sun into my 40s my perspective has shifted. I’m not sure if it’s age, maturity, or the fact that my eyes have been opened and awakened to the fact that most of what I’ve been taught about health and wellness up until now has been a fistful of garbage, but I honestly want to make life changes this year.

This upcoming year already has many developments coming to fruition in the early days of January. I’m opening a new business, as soon as I can wrap up the contractors and schedule inspections. The new venture is health and wellness and holistic modalities. I’ve also signed on to be apart of a new start up for wellness retreats happening through the year. I guess my thought process, no matter how subconsciously and unsolicited it came to be, was to engulf myself in all things healthy. I’ve even committed to this whole #DryJanuary bandwagon.

Along with cleaner habits, I’m developing a sound spiritual practice of morning devotions and reading my bible. Yes, the actual physical holy word with turning pages and book markers and underling with color pencils. I’ve been consistent with devotions on my phone for several years now, but physically searching through the books of the bible and marking verses that jump off of the page has been a truly tactile and emotional experience.

I think that is New Year is bring me back to basics and seeking some of the “Old School” ways. Technology is great and I’ll be leaning on it heavily in my new business, but the foundations of my being, of my self, are returning to the analog version of life. Whole foods, pen and paper, face to face relationships

This blog has been mine for several years now and I’ve barely published anything, I think I’m even going to try to keep this up to date. I’ll share a bit about my business and how my life changes with the new habits I’m looking to incorporate in the daily.

Maybe I’m not looking to bring in the new….I’m actually looking to bring back the old

X

Uncategorized

Shower of Solitude

Posted on by X

My shower is a glassed walk-in that serves the purpose of my personal emotional box. The water raining down from the shower head hides the rivulet of tears mixed with soap suds. The excuse of shampoo in my eyes is the coverup for their red, bloodshot appearance. Grief can over take me here…anger and sadness combine in my soul and are released in between silent sobs. In the end it swirls clockwise down the drain.

X

Political/Thought for the day

It’s a Pandemic of lost common sense

Posted on by X

I’ve hesitated to write anything regarding the pandemic, covid 19, the China virus, or whatever you have chosen to call it. The whole thing has completely changed our Country. Politicians and the media have taken this on a rollercoaster ride of epic proportions from one extreme to the other in the significance that this virus plays on our individual lives.

On a smaller scale it has changed the way we view our personal circles of family and friends. Relationships have been broken beyond repair at this point over the choice of wearing a mask or getting the covid shot…let alone the booster. Celebrations have been altered and/or missed due the differing of opinion on these topics. There are members of my family that I may never see again because of the vastness between the degree of belief on the issues of lockdowns, masking, injections, side effects, and potential long-term effects of all of it.

When our country shut down for 2 weeks to flatten the curve of infection rate and lessen the strain on the medical community I will admit that I was scared. Nothing like that had ever happened during my lifetime. I lost my ability to work for I was not considered an essential business and due to the close contact I have with my clients. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid. That’s what I was most scared about. Are you asking why I was scared about getting sick?

When all of this started, over 2 years ago now, even the main stream media was honestly reporting the facts. The demographic I fall into had a 99.4% chance of surviving this virus with symptoms of a common cold. DID EVERYONE FORGET THIS! I’m a healthy middle aged woman with no comorbidities, I regularly exercise, eat well balanced meals, and take vitamins. Why on this God-given green earth would I be scared to catch cold, or worst case scenario a flu? I wasn’t afraid for anyone in my household, because we all fell into a demographic with a high survivability rate…two of us are healthy teenagers.

This is the first time in history that I know of where the healthy were penalized for being healthy. “Stay in your home! Don’t work! Wear a mask…wait, that doesn’t help….oh wait again, Yes, wear a mask!” Absolute ridiculousness! Our poor children having two or more years of school basically taken away from them. Talk about screen time overload during the school shut downs. How in the world did anyone expect them to learn anything at grade level in the middle of high stress hullabaloo nonsense with their noses stuck in a computer and no face-to-face interaction with their peers and teachers?!? Our homes were in chaos during that time. Parents out of work, or trying to adapt to working at home while also monitoring their children having their school days online, household chores staring you in the face, and bills still coming in even though the income to pay them was drying up.

Blessed as I am to live in the Freedom loving state of Florida, the majority of our lives returned to normal sooner than others less fortunate. We returned to work and school without masks and the freedom to choose our own medical paths in the wake of the covid shot rollout. The gratitude I have to our Governor Ron DeSantis can not be fully expressed in words. His adamant work to support the people of this great state and back the parents choice for our children deserves all of the admiration and applause.

Through it all, my family did not go unscathed, we fell victim to the coronavirus. One of my daughters had the symptoms of a cold. My other daughter was a-symptomatic with the exception of loss of taste and smell for a couple of days. In hindsight, we believe that my husband dealt with the virus during the very first wave when it was still unnamed. I had what I thought was a sinus infection, with no fever, slight fatigue, and loss of taste and smell for three days. All of this was determined with out a PCR test or a rapid test or an at home test. I donated blood and discovered I had the antibodies. Good news people, I still had the antibodies over nine months later…unfortunately, the blood bank stopped testing for antibodies shortly after that…I’m curious why they stopped, was it because it no longer served the narrative?!

I decided to write about all of this now, as we enter into the third year of hysteria and disillusionment, because the Biden Administration has now belatedly delivered on their promise of “free at-home covid tests”. Firstly, when will everyone realized that NOTHING is Free! We’re paying for it with the increase in inflation and increased taxes. We’re actually paying out the @$$ for this in the long term (that’s beside the point of this post). Secondly, these tests are FAR FROM ACCURATE! I was shocked when I received several messages yesterday, from intelligent people in my life urging me to “hurry up and order your free at-home covid tests” and “reserve your covid tests before they run out”. Why would I want to shove something up my nose to tell me if I’m sick? I’ll know I’m sick when I want to eat soup with saltines and watch reruns of the Price is Right! while snuggled on my couch under a blanket sipping hot tea or gingerale.

One thing we know is that the American people have difficulty following directions, we see that on shows like America’s Funniest Home Videos and Ridiculousness. Something like testing ourselves for a virus at home seems asinine, especially when the accuracy is determined by following very specific instructions. If by chance you are smarter than an elementary school child, there’s a chance of a false negative result. The following quote is directly from the CDC website:

“A negative test result means the virus that causes COVID-19 was not found in your specimen, and you may have a lower risk of transmitting the disease to others. If you took the test while you had symptoms and followed all instructions carefully, a negative result means your current illness is probably not COVID-19, though it does not rule out a COVID-19 infection.

However, it is possible for a test to give a negative result in some people who have COVID-19. This is called a false negative. You could also test negative if the specimen was collected too early in your infection. In this case, you could test positive later during your illness.”

Are you kidding me?! The above statement literally says to test yourself several times before you interact with others, but even if you do that it might not do any good in stopping the spread of infection because the test results could be wrong. So why bother testing the healthy and asymptomatic?! There’s also a statement that says “spread of the infection can begin as early as 48 hours, two days, prior to the start of symptoms” (kind of like the common cold and flu), but “if you test too early you will have a negative result.” Upside-down and backward if you want my opinion.

Here’s a reminder of some basic common sense in regards to any type of viral sickness:

  1. If you are showing signs of sickness, stay home and rest up. If your symptoms are severe, seek medical help.
  2. If you are not symptomatic of an illness, live your life.
  3. Wash your hands prior to eating, after using bathroom facilities, after touching something gross, before and after touching your face, and frequently throughout the day to eliminate the spread of germs.
  4. Eat well balanced meals, exercise regularly, and take a multivitamin to close the gaps of missing nutrients in the American diet.
  5. If you have comorbidities; ie obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or are immunocompromised; take the steps you can to improve your overall health and well-being. There are an overwhelming amount of resources to guide you through improving your situation on your own or with the assistance of a medical professional.

We all have choices to make about our personal health choices. Making them with the intimate knowledge of our unique situations can only be made by ourselves. I choose to live free of fear, kinda like we did in the 80’s while I was growing up. Fresh air, sunshine, and a little Bob Barker! I finally Typed that Out Loud!

Love, X

Family/Thought for the day

family holidays can suck

Posted on by X

I hesitated to put my thoughts on this into words, but I started following a few mental health accounts on the socials and reminded myself of what this blog was intended for when I started a few months ago.

This year Father’s Day sucked for my kids. Not all the way sucked because they have a kick@ss step-dad, but none-the-less wasn’t a brilliant day for them. Their bio-father, or sperm donor as they have dubbed him, is in most traditional sense a crappy guy. The relationship is fractured in the very least and basically non-existent, with the exception of a juvenile text message or brief phone call once every couple of months.

I’ve been divorced for 13 years. My children do not have any memories of their bio-father and I together. I have been the primary parent for the entirety of this time, with a few years of wearing both job titles of mom and dad while the bio was in rehab. I took them school shopping after orientation, hustled them to practices and school plays, and proudly walked into the cafeteria early one morning before school started to be present during the “donuts with dad” event. As their mom I wanted to show them that even though bio wasn’t available, they didn’t have to miss out.

I’m not tooting my horn here. I know there are hundreds, if not thousands, of moms out there pulling double duty. Just as there are dads filling the mom role too. My point is that not only is it horribly difficult for us as parents, our children are suffering this loss on a grander scale.

My kids are no longer little. They are almost adults. Smart, independent, beautiful, and productive members of society. Yet on Father’s Day morning with tears streaming down their face and with agony in familiar eyes missing the relationship that should have been. Broken hearted I could only hug and pray over my child for God to heal the hurt.

I ask that on the holidays that are intended to be Hallmark perfect in the pictures for the socials, take a moment to pray for those that may be faking it. Those that don’t have a reason, or that do have memories too painful, to celebrate. Pray for mending of broken hearts, healing of generational wounds, and removal of those too toxic for relationships.

A final thought to end this post: Removing yourself from toxic, painful/harmful situations is not selfish. It is protecting your self from new and deeper harms. You can still love someone, especially a family member, from afar without being in relationship with them. I boldly typed that out loud.

Much Love – X

Thought for the day

Soul Food

Posted on by X

Have you ever had a day where your soul is just simply tired?

Nothing specific is wrong, you’ve had a decent day without complaint. You are just overwhelming drained.

That is today.

I am in desperate need of some soul food.

What or where feeds you? When you are on empty, what fills your cup?

Today, my battery is drained. My heart pumps slowly. My joy bucket is dry.

Much love – X

Family/Political

Where did R.E.S.P.E.C.T. go?

Posted on by X

While typing out the title for this blog post, Aretha Franklin sang loudly in my ears. She was singing to her man and demanding that he show her the respect she deserved or she might not be there one day when he comes home. Isn’t that what we all want, to not only be heard, but to be respected. To have the inalienable right of personal opinion, values, and freedom to express ourselves.

The weird thing is, respect is not innate. We are not born with the natural ability to respect others. We come here self-centered, selfish, and self-serving. As babies it is necessary to cry, scream, and tantrum our way into having our needs met. If we weren’t loud our parents may not know that we needed to be fed, have our diaper changed, or that we have been over stimulated and are now in need of soothing. Infants are reliant on everyone else to meet their needs and to provide safe haven for growth and development. Parents have a massive responsibility…and if you’re anything like me, when my two were little…those first years were simply survived on autopilot and obscene amounts of caffeine.

As our littles age from infancy to toddlerhood (around the age of 3 or as I like to call them the threenage years), their demands seem to become louder, yet at the same time they are trying to exert some independence. Famous words during the threenage years in my house were, “I do it!” Those three little words would drive me insane, although during that time in my life that wasn’t a very far drive. However, as a mother it was my job to train my children and step back and let them learn how to “do it”, whatever “it” was. While allowing them to dress themselves or sloppily pour a glass of milk, I was modeling respect for their autonomy.

As they grew and continued to learn other things or when they disobeyed and received consequences; good and bad, they were also learning to respect me and the rules of an authority figure. By the time my kids were school aged they had an understanding that their teachers were to be listened to, obeyed, and respected. There were a few times notes would be sent home or phone calls received for misbehaviour and guess what…not only did they received punishment at school, but there was additional discipline at home. Why you ask?…because not only did they break the school rules they also disobeyed my house rules by not listening to, obeying, and respecting their teachers.

This is where I believe our society has gradually broken down and one of the reasons we are where we are in this country with all of the divisiveness and disrespect for our law enforcement and other authority figures. I believe it began before I can remember, but I am of a certain age while during my adolescence there was much discussion surrounding self-esteem and time outs. Having confidence and a sense of self assurance goes along with the theme of this post, you must respect yourself. I can promise you from personal experience as a child that received and as a mother that believed in discipline in the form of a firm pop on the leg or a spanking across a bottom, I do not lack self respect or self esteem. I agree with time outs, they serve a purpose and that goes with let the punishment fit the crime.

I watched a generation of children raise themselves on a couple of children’s television stations, sugary pre-packaged snack foods, and very little parental supervision or discipline. Without boundaries and consequences these children grew up not understanding the importance of respect because they could do whatever they wanted. There were no boundaries to cross or rules to break, so consequences were handed out. No respect was taught. Authority figures held no authority. As those children grew older and had responsibilities in school with assignments and projects, they didn’t get done. When finally the consequence of a poor grade was given, “Oh No…little Johnny/Jane had their feelings hurt” and some irate parent would cause a scene at the school then miraculously the grades were curved and everyone was happy. GUESS WHAT THAT DID?! Not a d@mn bit of good for little Johnny/Jane. That action demolished any slight sliver of respect that they had for the teacher or for themselves. All that taught them was to pitch a fit and then they could get what they want. That wasn’t how the real world worked though…

Until now. The little Johnny/Jane’s from the grade school of yesteryear are now the middle aged adults that have children of their own and the cycle has continued. Oscar/Olivia have grown up with the same lack of respect their parents were raised in because boundaries and rules don’t apply to them either. So now we see Oscar/Olivia on the nightly news screeching profanities in the faces of the men and women trying to protect our American cities from the destruction and looting caused by this generation of undisciplined little sh!ts that needed to be spanked when they were threenagers. The disheartening fact that our once great nation of patriots has now been reduced to the sniveling Oscar/Olivia’s of the world shows the lack of respect for self and others that has infiltrated our society.

Respect for ones self is displayed through integrity, hard work, and compassion for others. When you respect yourself you tend to follow the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” What a simple concept and yet there is very little of that being demonstrated in society today. It’s heartbreaking.

So if you’re tired of the direction our country is going in…raise your children with some discipline and respect for self and authority. If your kid breaks the rules at home, discipline them and stick to the consequence. If your child comes home from school in trouble, respect the teacher and make sure you as the parent are backing them up. Be an example to your kid and show them by following the law. If you get pulled over DO. WHAT. THE. OFFICER. TELLS. YOU. TO. DO! You would think that was common sense, but I guess that disappeared with discipline too… Did I just type that out loud?

Much Love – X

Political

Vanishing Act

Posted on by X

So… life happened and I haven’t been able to, nor have I been in the mood to write. It is true that one must be in the correct head space to be creative. I’m learning this more and more as I age, mature, and discover myself in busy seasons of life.

There are days when I have only just enough energy to participate in what’s required of the day. I preform the tasks that I must and fake it through the ones I really don’t want to do. I know I’m not the only person that feels this way. Or the only one that sometimes drifts through days or weeks at a time with this blah hanging over head.

I am not a mental health professional, although I’ve read enough self-help books and been to many therapy sessions for myself and my children to know that I am not suffering from depression or another low on the spectrum of mental illness. I’m simply just incredibly drained.

I’m blaming this emotional state of being on EVERYTHING going on in our country. I refuse to watch the news! MSM or smaller conservative news outlets. I watch and follow a few talking heads that seem to have the same views, moral and ethical, that I have and respect them for keeping us informed of the headlines. It doesn’t matter though that I only want the highlights. Flip through channels and you’re bombarded with some agenda being shoved down your throat. Open any one of the many social media apps on your phone just to scroll through arguments and name calling between “friends”.

I have my opinions on various hot topics in politics right now. I will probably share a few of them in future blog post. However right now, at this moment, I barely have the wherewithal to make it through my next appointment.

Maybe I can get in my car, drive to some sandy and tropical location and simply vanish. I know there are still some places without WiFi…right?!?

Much Love – X

Family/Political

What’s the BIG deal with the wall?

Posted on by X

I’m going to start this off with a question….what is one of the last things you do at night before you go to bed? For me; I walk the dog, lock the door, brush my teeth, and climb in bed. Sounds pretty typical, right? For someone else, it might include setting a security alarm. Still sounds normal……right?!

In our homes and with our families safety and security are wildly important. I consider myself to be blessed to live in a low crime rate area. Our neighborhood is well established, our local law enforcement is excellent, and our Sheriff doesn’t take sh!t from anyone. However, every night I ensure that our doors are locked to help myself sleep soundly at night without fear of someone coming into our home, unannounced, to potently cause harm to myself or my family.

I am a Christian woman and have been involved with the church for all of my 39 years. I am involved in a charity that provides meals to homeless students on the weekends. I’ve had neighbors knock on my door and I’ve generously provided forgotten ingredients for that nights dinner recipe. I’ve purchased meals for homeless begging on the street corner. My heart is huge for those in need. My point being, we should all give generously just as Jesus did.

A border wall is akin to the four exterior walls of your home. There is still an entrance into your house. If you’re supposed to have access to the inside, then you have the key to the door. IF you don’t have the key, but want something inside, then you knock on the door and ask permission to come inside or ask for help with whatever you’re dealing with.

If you have thought the border wall was a horrible idea and mean and cruel, I want you to look at it through a different perspective. When you go to bed tonight, leave all of your doors and windows unlocked and the garage door up. You might be lucky and not have anyone come in. That’s great! You live in a safe neighborhood. BUT, if someone does come in…let them take anything and everything they want. Maybe it’s just a meal. It might be something of value to sell. Or it may possibly be something more sinister and cause you or your loved ones harm.

The border wall is simply that, a wall to protect the United States of America. We love visitors, especially in Florida (hello tourism)! We welcome those seeking Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. We respect those looking to better their lives and live out the America Dream. We also want to protect the safety of our citizens by requesting that they knock on our door and ask permission. To follow the rules and laws established by our forefathers. To limit the infiltration of crime from gangs and others looking to sell their drugs or trafficked children.

There has recently been much talk regarding the plans of the new Presidential Administration scheduled to come into office next week. Many of the current policies and actions taken by our current President will likely be overturned. The Mexico Border Wall construction will probably be halted, if not destroyed. This wall has been viewed as an emblem of hate…and yet, I found out my tax dollars were sent to Syria/Jordan to build a border wall……I guess their safety and security is more important than mine? It’s a good thing I believe in the 2nd Amendment…..and Yes, I Did Just Type That Out Loud!

Much love- X

Menopause

Why am I LATE?

Posted on by X

This is an interesting time in my life, especially with the addition of a world wide pandemic, teenagers in high school, social unrest, and a presidential election that is still not officially over a month after the election actually took place. I am a happily married woman nearing mid-life…however, my happiness was replaced with unexpected fear when I realized that I was several days late for the start of my cycle. My husband and I are on the verge of having our girls enter adulthood and the two of us having, well just the two of us at home! We very well may have grandchildren in the next couple of years with our adult son having popped the question to his girlfriend just a few weeks ago. A pregnancy was not what we were planning for!

HALLELUJAH, I’m not pregnant! I’m on the final leg to being 40, so does that mean that I’m in perimenopause? Isn’t 39 a little young? I dove into an extensive inter web search to find out. Article after article revealed that 39 was not too young to start the milestone journey of menopause. This process can take one to a full 10+ years. Oh freaking joy!

The symptoms of menopause sound like a roulette wheel of tortures: irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats (or chills), mood swings, heart palpitations (more on this particular symptom in another post), insomnia, loss of sex drive, vaginal dryness (that alone would make me not want to have sex, ouch!), and a litany of other possibilities. This is not something we get to choose to experience…eventually, as women, we HAVE to experience this.

While reading all of this information about periods, symptoms, and menopause; I realized that I’ve personally been dealing with all of this since my late 20’s. We’re talking over a decade already and I might have ANOTHER decade of this sh!t to go through? WTF!

So instead of dreading this upcoming and ongoing experience of entering middle-age, I’m deciding to try and find the silver lining. Fewer periods, Yes! Saving money on feminine products, YES! An excuse to eat ice cream whilst in the middle of a hot flash, YESSS! Fear free sex with my husband (in a few more years), YEESSSSS!

Maybe I should buy stock in Dairy Queen and start reading up on the Kama Sutra…………….. ………………wait, Did I Type That Out Loud?

Much Love – X